Emotionally Exhausted

No one ever said that adoption was easy. You would think, this being my fifth adoption, that I would have this waiting part down pat. But not so!!! I truly feel like I have hit rock bottom today (as in Christmas Eve). It is officially Christmas Day and I am at work until 7:30 am, I did not receive my referral, and to top it off, I crashed my car into a gate post sliding on ice into my driveway. My Christmas cards are sitting on my desk, because I refuse to do them until I have a referral, which I thought I would have before Thanksgiving. Today, I cried as I washed dishes. I cried when I had to get ready for work. I cried on the way to work. I am just sad...where are the referrals? I was told I was on track for a referral within two months of my dossier submission. Well, that time has come and gone, and it is just bringing me down. I feel emotionally exhausted, like I cannot get anything done, and actually, I just do not feel like doing much of anything. I know it sounds whiny, but those of you that have been there and done this (the adoption thing) know what I am talking about.

When I started this adoption, my agency was very small, had a wonderful reputation, and was referring children within a very short time frame. While I was getting my homestudy completed, the agency's clientele doubled, maybe even tripled. I think they are very overwhelmed at this point, but I can't help feeling like I am being ignored. I have read many blogs of other families using the same agency, and they state they are getting updates on their case weekly or every other week. I haven't had an update ever! In fact, I was never emailed when my dossier arrived in Addis Ababa, or if it has been translated. I don't quite understand the rationale of some families are getting the golden treatment and others are waiting in the wings.

On a positive note, Maryn is beyond excited to have Baby Girl come home. She asks me every day if she will be here for Christmas. Tuesday, she asked my mom to write a letter to Baby Girl as she dictated it. It is precious, telling her to have a Merry Christmas, and how she hopes she is warm enough, and mama has a "cuddly" blanket for her when she gets here. Just very sweet. I am putting it away for when Baby Girl is older.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and and even better New Year!!